


just take your time

by ackermanx



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Gen, Possible Spoilers, Trans Character, heavy details of Gender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-12 04:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20159419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackermanx/pseuds/ackermanx
Summary: please don't read this too closely it's very self indulgent and (holds up sign saying I don't know how to characterize renarin and at this point I'm too afraid to ask)set between wor and oathbringer although..there's no major spoilers I don't think? read at ur own riskanyways I am waving the banner for the trans renarin agenda so if u don't like it please spare both of us the effort and close this fic now





	just take your time

**Author's Note:**

> please don't read this too closely it's very self indulgent and (holds up sign saying I don't know how to characterize renarin and at this point I'm too afraid to ask)
> 
> set between wor and oathbringer although..there's no major spoilers I don't think? read at ur own risk
> 
> anyways I am waving the banner for the trans renarin agenda so if u don't like it please spare both of us the effort and close this fic now

Renarin slumps in his chair, back purposefully in front of a heating fabrial, and sighs.

This was something he could absolutely get used to. A medium-sized room all to himself, warmly lit by broams he had impulsively thrown cloths over, and _privacy_. Not that his quarters back in the palace hadn't been nice, but... there was always something going on. There was never really a chance for Renarin to fully relax, never a chance for him to stop worrying.

He wiggles a little in his seat, appreciating the way that he's able to breathe as he does so. Of course, there's also something to be said about not having to wear those bindings on his chest all the time.

"You are different, mmm?" a voice buzzes in the silence.

Renarin screams.

In the process of jolting fully awake and nearly jumping out of his chair, Renarin belatedly notices a break in texture on the wall behind him. "I'm fine!" he yells once more, before someone really does rush in and find that all that had spooked Renarin was Pattern.

Throughout it all, Pattern shifts through a few shapes and hums to himself.

Renarin cautiously settles back down, sitting backwards in order to stare at the spren…vibrating on his wall. "I…hello. Did you need something from me?"

"Mmmmm…no. I came out of curiosity. You fascinate me."

"Thank you. I think."

A lull in the conversation follows, during which Renarin watches curiously as Pattern roams the wall, circling the fabrial several times in the process.

"You are different," Pattern declares once more, once he's fully satisfied with his surroundings. "You live a lie and a truth."

Renarin's heart stops.

"I am one of the Radiants, am I not?" he says carefully. "Is there a lie in that?"

Pattern hums thoughtfully. "No, no. There is something more."

"Is it my spren?"

"No."

"…Myself?"

The humming changes to low buzzing. "Yes," Pattern mumbles, "that is close. I can't quite figure it out…there _is_ something about you. Is it a secret?"

Renarin grimaces. "Well…no. I just never bring it up unless someone asks. It doesn't make for a very nice conversation topic."

More humming.

"I was born a girl," he says softly, not looking at Pattern. "I no longer remember my name, but it was not Renarin. Father - he said he had suspected something similar all along, and Adolin was overjoyed. The other brightlords weren't quite as receptive, and most were ready to make a scandal out of it, but. There wasn't much they could do when Adolin was threatening to duel them in my honor."

The memory of it brightens Renarin's mood slightly. Seeing Adolin so angry on his behalf, when Renarin had been steeling himself for the worst, had done a better job of reassuring him of his standing with his immediate family than any words could.

Of course, then he had to actually stop a fight from happening. And with Adolin, that was easier said than done.

Pattern's humming abruptly changes to something brighter, almost curious. "So you can choose who you wish to be?"

Renarin feels a smile tug on his lips. _Shallan and her spren really are similar, are they not?_ "Well, we can. But it's frowned upon by many, though I'd like to think we humans are getting better at that sort of thing. People just don't like things that are different."

Pattern shifts once more, then drifts down the wall, onto the floor, and onto Renarin's pants. Renarin swears he settles in like a cat, buzzing happily.

If he didn't know of Pattern's true form, he would almost say this was…adorable.

"So," Pattern says. "How many humans are different, like you?"

"_Well_ \- um, Pattern? Can you promise me one thing?"

"Mmm?"

Renarin blushes. "Please don't go around asking people that. It doesn't really come off well."

"Oh…very well." Was that disappointment? Storms.

"That's also why I can't really answer your question, because…I don't know. People like me - we don't really like talking about our pasts. I don't mind, but I can't guarantee the same for anyone else."

"Mmm. I will try."

Renarin flashes a small smile. "Thanks. I think…I think that's all we can really ask of others. To try."

Pattern hums in reply.

Curiously, Shallan doesn't come in search of Pattern; Renarin can't help but wonder what he told her, and if it involved the word "research." But he can't quite find it in himself to be mad at Pattern's curiosity, because everyone has to start somewhere, don't they? And that also meant one less member of their group to worry about at night…

With Pattern vibrating contentedly on Renarin's lap, silence in the halls, and Renarin's room feeling comfortable instead of stifling -

Renarin thinks he could really, truly get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on twitter over at @augustenian I Have A Lot Of Feelings


End file.
